My Mother Taught Me

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your
father gets home."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... "You are going to get it
when we get home!"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking?
Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall out off that swing and
break your neck, your not going to the store with me."

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your
spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

7. My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you're cold?"

8. My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."

9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

10.My Mother taught me about SEX.... "How do you think you got here?"

11.My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like your
father."

12.My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born
in a barn?"

13.My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you get to be my
age, you will understand."

14.And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's
like."

Heed these six warning signs to discern if your job is making you fat

1. You work at a cubicle, tied to a desk, under florescent lights

"Desk Potato" is the label slapped on today's office workers and othersedentary employees. Fewer people are exerting any real physicalenergy during their workday (no, moving the mouse doesn't count). The equation is depressingly simple: when incoming calories exceed energyoutput, the end result is extra pounds.

If you work under artificial lights all day, you're probably sufferingfrom lower levels of serotonin, the brain's mood-calmingneurotransmitter. This can lead to seasonal affective disorder (SAD),depression, insomnia, frequent headaches and may result in addictivebehaviors such as overeating.

2. Your job subjects you to the two worst kinds of stress:

Relentless: The stress never lets up and you never get a break.There's always twice as much work at the end of the day than when youstarted. This kind of pressure causes a build up in the stress-relatedhormone cortisol, which promotes abdominal fat. You crave salt, sugarand fatty foods to counteract the tension.

Lack of control: You name it, you don't have control over it: yourschedule, deadlines, who you work with, the type of projects you takeon, etc. As you try to calm yourself, you might be reachingfrequently for 'comfort carbs,' since carbohydrates stimulate theproduction of serotonin, your mood-calming neurotransmitter.

3. Under-employed

If your job is too small for your spirit, and your talents andcreativity are not tapped, you turn to food to fill the void.

4. Work leaves you exhausted

Eating a big meal then falling asleep on the couch is not what weneed, yet millions of us do this because we come home too tired tosee friends, too tired to work out, even too exhausted to walk the dog.

5. You sleep less than 8 hours on a regular basis

You stay late, go in early, work split shifts or miss sleep because you are worrying about work. Cumulative sleep deprivation can resultin weight gain because your tendency is to turn to sweets andcaffeine the next day for a quick energy fix. Experts now agree thatsleep might be just as important to weight loss and maintenance asdiet and exercise.

6. Consistently lunching at your desk or skipping lunch

Almost a third of American workers are scarfing down food while toilingaway at their desks. We feel deprived, so we nibble mindlessly therest of the day and into the evening.

So how do I find a job that doesn't pack on the pounds?

Face reality. Make a list of all the harmful side affects of yourjob. If the list is long and/or serious, consider switching jobs orcareers. The average American will have had 8-10 different careers bythe time they retire. It's OK to switch.

Visualize your dream job. Be specific. If you can dream it, you can live it.

Get support from friends. Networking is still the name of the game.Tell your friends specifically how they can help. Expand your careerhorizon by trying one new experience each week.

Take a class. Volunteer. Interview people or job shadow those who workat jobs you nd intriguing, then…

Honor your energy. If it feels good, is energizing and you love it,it's a yes! If it feels bad, is draining and you hate it, it's a no!

Listen to your intuition. Trust that the small, still voice of wisdomwithin. You do have the answers.

Seriously consider self-employment.

Tired of the glass ceiling and not afraid of hard work? Then releaseyour entrepreneurial spirit and start your own company.

Meanwhile…

• Drink more water (8-10 glasses a day)

• Add steps. Park further away and walk. Take the stairs instead ofthe elevator.

• Get a walking or exercise buddy.

• Brush your teeth at work after lunch to help resist afternoon snack attacks.

• Limit snacks to healthy veggies you bring from home.

• Chew sugar free gum or suck on sugar free candy.

• Join a club and find something you enjoy. Pack your workout bag andgo before or right after work.

• Design a new reward system that doesn't involve food.

• Don't skip lunch. Resist the temptation to eat at your desk.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCE or CHINESE WISDOM ?

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day.

It wasvery hot.

They were sweating and exhausted.

When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries whileenjoying their freedom.

As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies fromtown appeared.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates.

But the Chinese covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on.

The American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.

The Chinese replied, I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that people recognize.

Saying the right thing at the right time!!!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending one of his companys office parties. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And,next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick! "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son. what happened last night?"

"Well," his son said, "you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and you got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused Jack asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom,and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins 38 cents
Saying the right thing at the right time . . . Priceless

100 件女人必之男事!

Girls just want to have fun....

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were veryfaithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiasticonthe Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would takeoff her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a ratherexpensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was luckyenough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbononit, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did theirbusiness they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that hisnormally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got tostop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. My wife came home with nopanties!!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with acard stuck to her ass that said.....From all of us at the FireStation.We'll never forget you.'"

They Walk Among Us!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without evenone person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people weretoo un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changedthe sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.

Caution...They Walk Among Us

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent whichdirection was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime,she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.

"They Walk Among Us!

====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got acall from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific".

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheardone of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on herweekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't thinkshe'd get sunburned because the car was moving".They Walk Among Us!====================

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat beltif she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% andgave us a 20% discount....

They Walk Among Us!

====================

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to anearring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turnedher head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apartno matter which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among Us!

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggageoffice and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled andtold me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in goodhands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...

They Walk Among Us!

====================

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding."Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

====================

They walk among us, AND reproduce!Now that's scary!

Lawyers

A man went to his lawyer and told him "My neighbour owes me $500 and he
Doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?
"Do you have any proof ?",asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,"
Said the lawyer.
"But its only $500!" replied the man.
"Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we
Need," said the lawyer.

-------------------------------------------------------

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students,
"If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey
To you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title,
Claim and advantages of and in, said or ange, together with all its rind,
Juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to
Bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away
With and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before
Or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature
Or
Kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.

-------------------------------------------------------

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour
Of his.
The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the
Butcher called up his neighbour and said,

"Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be
Liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how
Much was the roast?"
"$7.98."
A few days later the butcher receive d a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service:
$150.

-------------------------------------------------------

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went
To law school. He graduated with honours, and then went home to join his

father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office,
And said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that
You've
Been working on for ten years!"

His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case
For ten years!"

Sex on Mars

The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.

He's got only a teeny, weenie willy - about half an inch long and just quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow..."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

How do Italians Tell Time?

An elderly Italian man is sleeping on the side of the road on a pile of hay.

He is awakened by a wealthy man on a motorcycle who asks for the time.

The old gentleman has a donkey next to him and by simply feeling the donkey'stesticles, he tells the man on the motorcycle the time...

This gentleman onhis return trip spots the old man again and, thinking the old man was just lucky, asks him again.

To the wealthy man's surprise, the old man isexactly correct again about the time.

Now watch the video ...

Don't Talk To an Indian Fellow Passenger On a Flight.

An American gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to an Indian.

He immediately turns to him and makes his move.

"You know," says the American, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.So let's talk."

The Indian, who had just opened his book, closes it slowly and saysto the American guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the Indian.

"That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat thesame stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cowturns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of driedpoop.Why do you suppose that is?"

The American guy is dumbfounded.

Finally he replies, "I haven't theslightest idea."

"So tell me," says the Indian, "How is it that you feel qualified todiscuss nuclear power when you don't know shit ?"

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies :

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

My favourite
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

Countries I've visited

create your own visited country map

Twins...

Walking the Dog

A little girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"



(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

COOL MEANINGS

MARRIAGE
It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree while the woman gains her masters.

CONFERENCE
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

COMPROMISE
The art of dividing the cake in such a way that everybody believes he's got the biggest piece.

SMILE
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

ATOM BOMB
An invention to end all inventions.

OPPORTUNIST
A person who starts taking bath when he accidentally falls into river.

FATHER
A banker provided by nature.

POLITICIAN
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

TEARS
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Five lessons

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a magic lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff" and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff" and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document which my secretary has left.Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the 'START' button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

*MORAL - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING*

LESSON 3


An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese! etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later
the Japanese turned to the American and asked, "What kind of 'key' was he".

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I?"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

*MORAL - NEVER INSULT ANYONE*

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,
He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and Immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so Contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

*MORAL - THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN*

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate
oxygen for the brain.

Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.

Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.

Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief.
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly.
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable.
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred.
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body.
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE*

A room for thought?

What is your favorite room in your home?

1)Bedroom

2)Living room

3)Dining room

4)Bathroom

5)Kitchen

6)Balcony

7)Study room

8)None at all

Analysis Below:-

Bed Room:-
You are an imaginative and colorful character. You believe in true love but until you find it, you'll have fun flirting. You attract people just by the way you talk. This can make insecure people feel jealous.

Living Room:-
You are sociable and enjoy talking to people. Whenever you have the opportunity, you'll help people. You don't shirk responsibility, and in fact enjoy taking on leadership roles.

Dining Room:-
You are conservative, cautious and don't panic in emergencies. You are an extrovert, and like sharing ideas with people. However, you also need to spend time alone to organize your thoughts.

Bath Room:-
You take good care of yourself and are concerned about your health. When you hear about any new illnesses, you start watching out for the first symptoms to appear. This can sometimes annoy your friends. However, you look at the world on the bright side, andthis makes you quite popular.

Kitchen:-
Easygoing and altruistic, you are most happy when taking care of others. While at times you can be boisterous, you make people feel comfortable around you and they always seek your advice when they have problems.

Balcony:-
You love freedom and hate to be controlled. You want to walk away from all the rules and rely on your imagination to direct your life instead. When you need to reenergize yourself, you head to the beach or to the forest.

Study or den:-
You take life seriously and like things to be neat and in order. Proud and dignified, you don't like to be mocked. You are a good listener even when you disagree with other people's ideas.

None at all:-
You are interested in the people around you and don't pay much heed to material goodsYou are helpful and considerate to your family, and in return they love you dearly..

Me, me and me

This is ME

Arena (known to self and others)	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, calm, clever, complex, dependable, friendly, helpful, idealistic, independent, intelligent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, mature, modest, observant, organised, quiet, searching, sensible, shy, trustworthy, warm, wise
Façade (known only to self)	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, caring, cheerful, confident, dignified, energetic, extroverted, giving, happy, ingenious, logical, loving, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, witty

Dominant Traits

57% of people think that kro is knowledgeable
71% of people think that kro is mature

All Percentages

able (28%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (28%) caring (0%) cheerful (0%) clever (14%) complex (14%) confident (0%) dependable (14%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (28%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (28%) idealistic (14%) independent (14%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (14%) introverted (14%) kind (14%) knowledgeable (57%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (71%) modest (14%) nervous (0%) observant (14%) organised (14%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (14%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (14%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (42%) sentimental (0%) shy (14%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (42%) warm (14%) wise (14%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 31.8.2006, using data from 7 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view kro's full data.

Rental Dispute

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.00. So they spent the night together.

In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment."


On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a cheque for $250.00 and enclosed a note:
**********************

Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied.

2. There was plenty of heat.

3. It was small enough to make me cosy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
************************
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply....
****************************

Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.

I will expect full payment due immediately or I will be forced to hire someone to remove your furniture.

The Letter "T"

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her husband constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,"Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

Blind man: good sense of smell

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little curious, the owner walks over to a dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

"Unbelievable!" In the kitchen, the owner exclaims to his wife Theresa, who is also the cook, and tells her what has just happened.

* * * * * **

A few days later the blind man returns, and the owner brings him a menu.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

In disbelief, the owner tells his wife Theresa that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

* * * * * **
The blind returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Theresa, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Theresa does it and hands her husband the fork.

As the blind man sits down, the owner is ready. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Theresa work here?

What each fingers meant

How to choose a bride, Malaysian Chinaman style

A mother from Jelebu was very concerned that her middle-aged son Ah Lim has not shown the slightest indication of getting married. So one day she called him over to her house. The son came home from work in Seremban, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The first one was a well-endowed telephonist-cum-receptionist. He immediately commented that: "Aiyaa... mother, they always say.... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON....."

The second nominee was a leggy secretary. She was also rejected. Reason being: "Aiyaa... mother, this one aaa..., secretary always fond of saying "PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking teacher Susan Tan. The son Ah Lim suddenly agreed !! The mother was surprised and asked: "Why this one? The earlier two were a lot more better looking!" Ah Lim replied: "Teachers aaa.... teachers vely good, vely good, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I Want it done 10 times....SOME MORE, SOME MORE..!"

Now come the small naughty hero. Her youngest son Ah Chong (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted "Brother.... female mini bus conductor more> better laa.... they always say..."NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT... MASUK, MASUK.... MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI... DALAM LAGILAAAAH, MASUK BELAKANG.... BELAKANG LAGI,BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG!..........."

The mother fainted....

The reason to....

If you happen to come across this blog, it's just because I wanted to put up things that have crossed my path...